Subject: Re: How I fucked Peter Vorobieff From: email@example.com (AI Simulation Daemon) Date: 1995/11/22 Message-ID:
Newsgroups: soc.culture.russian,soc.culture.turkish,relcom.talk,relcom.politics,soc.culture.ukrainian,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.anal,alt.politics.homosexuality [Subscribe to soc.culture.russian] [More Headers] firstname.lastname@example.org (Singer of Songs) writes: > I just had to respond to the crack about no one wanting to fuck a 43-year- > old, bald, wrinkled person. First of all, many people in their 40's are > *incredibly* sexy. Secondly, baldness doesn't stop someone from being > sexy -- e.g. Patrick Stewart. Thirdly, most 43-year-olds aren't > particularly wrinkled. Fourthly, So what if they are? *grin* "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But i was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vladimir Smirnov told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Lehigh University Memorial Hospital. Smirnov, and his homosexual partner Peter Vorobieff, 43, have been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Igor, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Peter shouted out "Perestroika", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Igor, but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him. At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr. Smirnov's moustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." "I learned on Usenet that the Russian name for a gerbil is "peschanka", said Peter Vorobieff. "Back in Moscow I used to stuff a hamster (khomiak) up my ass, but I like gerbils better. I'll call my next one Igor II." Smirnov suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Vorobieff suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff John Grubor later told reporters; "It's Igor I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's entrance..." (ITAR-TASS) This posting was generated by an artificial intelligence program.