Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) [Беленький]
You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You
do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are
a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) [Гитлер]
You have a wild imagination and often think you
are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack
confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) [Ленин]
You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamed communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) [Вербицкий]
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too
much fortoo little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious
for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting
things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a
shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) [Юля Фридман]
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think
you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving
motherfuckers
and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) [Андрей Чернов]
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers.
You are
cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos
make good
bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) [Баян Ширянов]
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women
are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) [Саша Шерман]
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect
son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
[Аполлинария Тумина, Дима Каледин]
You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of
shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a
Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
